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Parenting ProblemsThe Ex Files

A Letter to The Man Who Stole My Son’s Life

By Heather Wells Posted on April 8, 2016January 26, 2018 2 Comments 127 views
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I'm certain that somewhere right now you are living your life as happy and care free as you always did. Probably still drinking too much and abusing your body with whatever substance you can find. I'm sure that the children that you created don't really cross your mind – except when they take that pittance of money out of your check to pay down the $18K you owe in back child support.

I'm sure that you don't suffer any guilt or remorse over what you did – because how could you. You have no idea the pain you caused. You have no idea the loss you created. You have no idea that in essence you stole a life. Of course you are able to continue on as though nothing ever happened because how could you know what you did.

You only saw him a few times after you nearly killed our son. You weren't there for the years and years of doctors appointments, physical therapy, CAT scans, MRIs, neurology appointments and evaluations.

You missed out on all the meetings with schools and special education departments. You escaped the joy of sitting through IEP meetings and testing. You haven't had to explain to another parent that you are so very sorry your son threw a chair at their kid but he simply can't control himself.  You weren't there to experience your 3 year old being kicked out of a daycare because he was “too much” for them to handle.

You didn't get to experience what it was like to see your son scream uncontrollably and bang his head into the ground or on a wall repeatedly because he couldn't articulate what was wrong with him. You never experienced the fear of not knowing if your child was ever going to be able to sit up on his own, walk, talk, run … hell, he still isn't able to even ride a bike.

I wish I was able to say that I had evolved enough over the years to be able to forgive you for what you have done. I wish that I could be that good of a person. Because if I was I wouldn't feel this gut wrenching anger every time I watch my son struggle. And yes, I say my son because you lost the right to call him yours long ago.

I really wish that I could move on past this urge to track you down and take a baseball bat to your head. I know that wishing that makes me a vindictive person, makes me less than what I am aspiring to be…but I can't help it. I want nothing more than for you to understand what it's like to live the life you sentenced him to when you shook him.

I look at my son, and the struggles he has faced throughout his 15 years and rage wells up inside me because he didn't have to struggle. He shouldn't have had to struggle. HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO STRUGGLE LIKE THIS!

But you, you worthless human being, you changed his life forever. You took away any hope of a normal life for him. A normal future. You took away his life, the one he was supposed to have. The one where he could grow up and learn to drive a car, move out on his own, start a life with someone he loved … he thinks about those things you know.

But they are abstract thoughts, the way a young child would think about them – a little kid imagining what it will be like when he gets older. You see because of you my son will forever be a child. He will forever be stuck with the mentality of a 10-12 year old.

And worse than that, he will be forever tortured by the knowledge that he is different than he should be. You see this amazing young man struggles on a daily basis because he is AWARE of his age and how old he is and what that SHOULD be like for him. But he knows that he isn't like that. He KNOWS that his struggles are not ‘normal'. He is forced to watch as his little sister passes him by on almost every level of development and he struggles every day with that knowledge.

Imagine that for a moment. Imagine being aware of the fact that you SHOULD KNOW how to do something but you simply can't. Imagine as a 15 year old having your 8 year old sister be more advanced than you will EVER BE. Imagine watching your twin be able to live a more ‘normal' life than you. And KNOW that it wasn't supposed to be like that.

Imagine listening to your child wish he was ‘normal'. Listening to him tell you that he feels like he should just leave because he knows how hard he makes your life. Imagine feeling that gut wrenching heartbreak, knowing that your child feels like he is a burden to you.

And I say these things like you should care, even though I know you don't. You don't even know the pain you have caused.

I don't hate many things in this world because I don't like the way that hate makes me feel – but I hate you. I hate you for what you took from my son. I hate you for taking his life, the one he was supposed to have. One where every day wasn't a struggle just to keep a thought in his head, or understand certain things … one where he could just live without constantly needing to work on keeping his temper and his focus. A life where he will forever be 10.

I wish I could be that kind of person who could forgive you, but I can't – because every day I am faced with the reminder of what you did. Every day I watch my son face a new struggle. Every day I think about that life, that easier life that you took from him – and I will never ever forgive you for taking that away from him.

XOXO
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Heather Wells
Heather is a single mother living in beautiful Colorado. She has 3 wonderful children; twin 20 year old young men and a 13 year old daughter. She has lived in Colorado for the better part of her life and is a stay at home work at home mother. She started her own business over 12 years ago and is happily, albeit precariously, balancing her work and personal lives. She spent over 8 years struggling financially and emotionally as a single parent before discovering how shifts in mindset and attitude can bring forth amazing changes in her life. Now her mission is to help other single moms stop the constant struggle and start creating success in their lives through the Single Mom Blog and Podcast.
A Letter to The Man Who Stole My Son’s Life

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1 Comment
  • Sri
    May 29, 2019

    Heather, are you talking about your child?
    If you are, I am sorry to hear this. It must have been painful for you and good for you to express your anger. You have every right to. Can’t you send him to prison?

    Reply
Welcome!

Welcome!

I'm Heather and I am a single mother to 3 amazing children. I started this blog to help other single moms like me find inspiration, support, ideas and hopefully a few laughs. I am glad that you are here - remember you are not alone!

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Instagram Followed by: 377 | Follow Me!

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

I tell my daughter all the time that we train people how to treat us. If we allow disrespect there are those who will continue to disrespect us because we have allowed it. ⁣
.⁣
.⁣
We need to BELIEVE that we are worth the best and we deserve good things. If we don\'t then others will see that and think they can follow suit.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
Know your worth mama!

7 1

I tell my daughter all...

You are not lazy, unmotivated or stuck. After years of survival mode, you are exhausted. There\'s a difference. .
.
YES!!! I have been feeling this to my core lately. After almost 20 years of being a single mom, raising a special needs son, dealing with ex\'s and their BS...I am exhausted. .
.
I have struggled through and lived in survival mode for so long now and there is only so long you can do that before it wears you down.
.
.
So mama, if your body is crying out for a break, if your soul is screaming for it...just know that it is totally ok to take that break. .
.
The dishes can wait for a bit, the laundry will be there later, the floors can be vacuumed next week, no it ISN\'T the endof the world if the kids have cereal for dinner. Give yourself some grace honey. You have more than earned it.
.
.
 #weekendvibes #momlife #singlemom #mommyblogger #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #singlemommylife #singlemomsrock #rest #parentingblogger #parentingishard #selfcare

25 3

You are not lazy, unmotivated...

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Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

I tell my daughter all the time that we train people how to treat us. If we allow disrespect there are those who will continue to disrespect us because we have allowed it. ⁣
.⁣
.⁣
We need to BELIEVE that we are worth the best and we deserve good things. If we don\'t then others will see that and think they can follow suit.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
Know your worth mama!

7 1

I tell my daughter all...

You are not lazy, unmotivated or stuck. After years of survival mode, you are exhausted. There\'s a difference. .
.
YES!!! I have been feeling this to my core lately. After almost 20 years of being a single mom, raising a special needs son, dealing with ex\'s and their BS...I am exhausted. .
.
I have struggled through and lived in survival mode for so long now and there is only so long you can do that before it wears you down.
.
.
So mama, if your body is crying out for a break, if your soul is screaming for it...just know that it is totally ok to take that break. .
.
The dishes can wait for a bit, the laundry will be there later, the floors can be vacuumed next week, no it ISN\'T the endof the world if the kids have cereal for dinner. Give yourself some grace honey. You have more than earned it.
.
.
 #weekendvibes #momlife #singlemom #mommyblogger #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #singlemommylife #singlemomsrock #rest #parentingblogger #parentingishard #selfcare

25 3

You are not lazy, unmotivated...

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