All Posts By Heather Wells

Heather is a single mother living in beautiful Colorado. She has 3 wonderful children; twin 20 year old young men and a 13 year old daughter. She has lived in Colorado for the better part of her life and is a stay at home work at home mother. She started her own business over 12 years ago and is happily, albeit precariously, balancing her work and personal lives. She spent over 8 years struggling financially and emotionally as a single parent before discovering how shifts in mindset and attitude can bring forth amazing changes in her life. Now her mission is to help other single moms stop the constant struggle and start creating success in their lives through the Single Mom Blog and Podcast.
Health & WellnessPodcast

My Breast Cancer Journey – Part 1

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My Breast Cancer Journey - Part One

I Was Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

Yep, breast cancer – scary ass stuff and I decided that I wanted to share that journey with you. The main reason is to stress to you the importance of getting mammograms!!!!

If you have followed my blog and podcast for a while you know that I have not put up anything new for almost a year. There were several reasons for that:

  1. It became something that he who shall not be named started using against me. Using it as a dig, a way to try and insult me. As a way to try and manipulate me. I realize now that I allowed him to make me stop doing something I like to do. I won’t be doing that again.
  2. Life was – complicated to put it nicely. My beautiful daughter had a lot of emotional things happen in her life. So helping her pushed everything else to the back of the line.
  3. My business started really getting busy and that meant less time for the blog.
  4. And then in November of 2019 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I have been slowly putting out some more generic content, nothing really personal about me. So I decided that it was time for me to write about it.

You should be getting regular mammograms now.

My doctor told me during my annual physical that I should be getting regular mammograms now that I am in my 40s. UGH!!!  So with a little bit of dread I scheduled myself for my first ever mammogram. I was definitely not looking forward to it. I have heard that it is painful or at least really uncomfortable.

And I am not what you would call ‘well endowed’, so there isn’t a lot to really work with in that area. BUT I went and it WAS uncomfortable but not nearly as bad as I had imagined. I left the appointment and really didn’t think any more about it – I certainly wasn’t thinking about cancer.

Several days later I got the call from the doctor saying that they would like for me to come back in. That there was an area in my right breast that they wanted to take a closer look at. They told me not to freak out that it was pretty common.

I freaked out anyway.

I couldn’t help it. I posted on Facebook about it and my friends and family all told me it wasn’t anything to worry about. Dense breast tissue. Spots on the images. There were a number of things they told me it could be. It calmed me down a little bit but I will admit I was still a little worried.

Worried woman on phone call - The Single Mom Blog - My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

I went to the next mammogram, which was MUCH more involved than the last. My poor boob was squished every which way and then some. They told me that they would be in touch in a few days to let me know the results. *At this point I do want to say that the woman who was with me for both mammograms was AWESOME! She was like that amazing aunt that you have who is fun and comforting… she put me at ease at a very scary time.

About 5 days later I got another call from the doctor’s office – they found some calcifications in my right breast. These little dots that showed up and can be possible indicators for cancer cells. So they told me that they wanted me to come in for a biopsy.

I have to have a biopsy??

OK – now I am definitely starting to freak out again. A BIOPSY!?!? I really don’t like the sound of that but I get it scheduled. Now, the biopsy was definitely not what I was expecting. It is a surgical procedure so it is in an operating room of a sort. You have to lay on a table with a hole in it for your breast to go through. It would have been comical if it wasn’t also so scary. (I’m not gonna lie, I still laughed about it – I couldn’t help it.)

Then after you lay down they squish your boob again like in the mammogram – so they can find the area again and take the cells. They also numb your breast so you don’t really feel the biopsy needle when they take it. BUT you DO feel the needle when they numb you. It honestly feels like they are trying to stab THROUGH your boob.

Breasts are super sensitive, with lots of nerves so the needle in there is OUCH! After the biopsy was taken they wrapped me up in an ace bandage and stuffed an ice pack in the area. The next few days that area was really tender I have to tell you. Getting small chunks of breast tissue taken out is no joke.

I waited again for a few days to get the results of the biopsy. Then on November 11th I got a call from a lovely woman named Susie. She introduced herself as my nurse navigator – then she told me that my biopsy came back showing cancer. I had DCIS – Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Which simply put, meant that I had cancer cells in my milk ducts.

My stomach dropped to the floor and I honestly didn’t hear or process what she said for the next few minutes. I had to ask her to repeat it. She told me that this type of cancer is what they call Stage Zero. It is non-invasive and was caught VERY early. Which was a good thing all things considered. It was the best worst news I could have gotten I guess.

DCIS - ductal carcinoma in situ - breast cancer image

Susie talked me through all the information and worked with me to get my next appointment scheduled. This appointment would be where I met the various doctors that I may need to be working with. She also told me that I would need an MRI as well so the doctors could get a better look at how much of an area was cancerous.

I was absolutely gutted by this news, I immediately called my dad to tell him. My dad has always been my rock and he helped talk me through it. He listened to me cry, talked with me about what the nurse had said and calmed me down. After speaking with him I was a little better – but now I had to go tell my kids.

How are my kids going to take this?

My kids took it pretty well, of course they were worried but knowing that it was caught early and wasn’t going to be life threatening – that helped them. Honestly, I knew that the word cancer was going to scare them. Hell, it scared me – but I tried to not let my kids see that. I told them that no matter what happened I was going to do whatever it took to make sure I was ok.

A few weeks later I had the MRI and then met with 3 different doctors – oncologist, surgeon, radiation. The Rocky Mountain Cancer Center was STELLAR in how they handled my case. Making sure I had the nurse navigator to help me make appointments. Ensuring that I met with all of my doctors in ONE appointment so I could get all my information at once. I can’t say enough about how fabulous they were.

They talked with me more about my diagnosis and what my options might be. I left that meeting feeling more stable because information is power to me. NOT knowing what to expect makes me come up with all kinds of awful scenarios. So it is better for me to have the most information possible.

A little while after that, my doctor got the results of my MRI and had me come in to give me my options. I had a section of cancer cells that was about 3 ½ inches long.  She let me know that having a lumpectomy would be an option BUT it would likely be very disfiguring. As I mentioned before – I do not have a LOT to work with in the boob area.

So her recommendation was for me to have a mastectomy.

A mastectomy?

Oh my god.

I couldn’t believe it. A mastectomy?!?! How was this possible? I thought it was Stage Zero!!!! How can I possibly be making this decision?

She told me to take some time and think about what I wanted to do and then let her know. I had a lot of thinking to do – so many different things to consider. I took a few days, talked with family and friends. Cried a lot, was angry a LOT but ultimately I had to think about what was going to be best for me and my kids.

So I decided to have the mastectomy.

I will tell you more about that decision and what the surgery and process was like in my next post.

Family Matters

7 Important Life Skills to Teach Your Children

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7 Important Life Skills to Teach Your Kids

Although your children can learn to read and write at school, there are many beneficial life skills that schools rarely provide. These are skills that all adults and children should have.

If you or anyone you know really struggles with life, odds are that there is a lack of expertise in one of these areas. That’s how important they are!

Teaching your children these skills will benefit them throughout their lives:

Asking questions. It may not seem that important but this is a very important life skill. If you can’t figure out something that’s important to you, you can save yourself a lot of grief by asking questions. I tell my kids all the time, if you don’t know then ask. Whether they are asking me or someone else for information, I want them to feel empowered to ask.

  • There are no such thing as stupid questions. I also tell my kids this – I don’t ever want to discourage them from asking a question if they don’t know the answer.

Problem solving is an important skill…

7 Important Life Skills - Asking questions is an important skill

The ability to solve problems. Life is full of challenges. Figuring out how to be successful in school, navigating through a new job, making the basketball team: these are all common challenges we must solve. Life is less intimidating when you learn processes that help you conquer challenges, whatever they may be.

  • Avoid the temptation to solve your children’s challenges for them. Let them strive to figure solutions out on their own.

 

7 Important Life Skills to Teach Your Kids - Find what you are passionate about

Finding a passion. No one ever trained us to go out and find the things that really excite and motivate us. Most of us were taught that working and having a job stinks, so you’d better get used to it. However, it doesn’t have to be that way! Everyone should have something they are passionate about and if they are lucky they can even find a way to make money doing what they love.

Independence is very important…

Independence. Children need to be nurtured to become more and more independent as they grow up. Many adults need to learn to be more independent as well. Strive to increase your child’s independence a little bit at a time.

  • Giving your child additional responsibilities as they get older will help with this. Depending on their age they can start doing more and more things around the house – loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing their own laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking basic meals etc.

Being content when alone. Some children are incapable of spending even 15 minutes without the attention of others. As children grow up, they learn to attach to other things to find contentment. Buying silly things, the Internet, food, video games, and more can all become addictions in their own way to avoid being alone.

  • There is a great power in being able to amuse yourself. It makes life easier, with fewer destructive temptations.

 

Compassion. The ability to work well with others and control our own anger is directly tied to our ability to be compassionate toward others. Strive to be more compassionate in your everyday life and teach your children the same. Being compassionate is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your children.

Dealing with change. Change is one of the few constants in life. Those who can be flexible and deal with change effectively are much more successful and happier than those who can’t. Help your child to learn to deal with change and you’ll be doing them a huge favor.

Schools teach us many things but they don’t teach us everything. These necessary skills that aren’t taught in school can be more valuable than anything we learn during our formal education. Check yourself and your child for the presence of these skills. Your lives will be much better for it.

Here are some other recent posts you may be interested in:

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*This post may contain affiliate links to products or services that I recommend. I do receive compensation for products ordered, however that does not reflect the price you pay for the items.

Making Money

5 Ways to Make Money Without Spending a Dime

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5 Ways to Make Money, woman holding money at desk

Is money a constant cause of stress? Are you having trouble making ends meet? Do you worry about making it to your next paycheck? Many of us have those moments. It can be difficult to cope with a poor financial situation, especially for single mothers.

When someone lacks money, their choices are limited. It’s discouraging when there are things you want to do and you’re unable to afford to do them. There’s a whole world to explore, but you need cash before you can start living life to the fullest.

Wouldn’t you love to learn how to make some extra money without spending it? It isn’t as difficult as it sounds!

Consider these ideas to bring in extra money without having to spend some to get started:

Create a service using one of your talents. Everyone’s good at something. Most of us even have a talent that can be monetized. Talents like these can be turned into profitable services: writing, website design, public speaking, playing a musical instrument, humor, singing, and much more.

  • Compile a list of your talents and see if there’s a demand for any of those skills.
5 Ways to Make Money, woman holding money at desk

Find hidden money in your own home…

Sell something online. There are thousands of websites which allow people to post classified ads for free.

  • Look through your basement or storage units and make a list of items that could be sold. You can create a small business selling second hand items for a profit. This process is called “product flipping.”

 

Compile a list of services and sell them as a package. How many times have you stumbled upon a pamphlet with a company offering a wide range of interesting services? It might be a good idea for you to combine different related services and sell them as one package.

  • For example, if you’re a good writer, you could offer a range of services like writing articles, editing, proofreading websites, creating resumes, or any other service that could capitalize on your writing skills.
  • You can make a lot of money like this and it’s completely free. The internet is a great way to advertise your services.
5 Ways to Make Money - Make a list of services you can offer

Make money helping others…

Offer to babysit, housesit, or watch someone’s pets while they’re on vacation. There are plenty of people who need help with these tasks and they’re willing to pay well. Babysitting, housesitting, or watching someone’s pets are great gigs for those who have extra free time.

  • Consider creating a pamphlet offering these services. Leave them on local billboards or pass them out in your neighborhood. Remember to include a phone number!
  • Word of mouth marketing is one of the best ways to spread the word. If you do a good job, your clients will recommend you to their friends.

Teach. Everyone has knowledge that they can pass on to others. Figure out what you can teach and then find people who would pay to learn it. Teaching can be fun, rewarding, and profitable.

  • There are websites that allow members to create an online classroom and teach people a specific skill. These sites often allow teachers to charge their own rates.
  • Prepare a course on a topic that interests you and then teach it. If your students love it, they’ll recommend it to others, and your business will boom.

As you can see, there are many ways to make money without having to spend it. All that’s required is a touch of creativity and a “go-getter” attitude. Mix those two with determination, and you have a recipe for success. Before long, you won’t have to keep worrying about how you’re going to pay the bills next month. Give it a shot!

Here are some other recent posts you may be interested in:

Recent Posts

*This post may contain affiliate links to products or services that I recommend. I do receive compensation for products ordered, however that does not reflect the price you pay for the items.

Health & WellnessSelf Care

10 Ways to Relax That Require 10 Minutes or Less

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While it would be nice to just take a long vacation or check out of work each day for a few hours, most of us have limited time and opportunities to relax. However, we usually do have 10 minutes here and there throughout the day.

Use these methods to relax in as little as 10 minutes:

1. Meditate. The benefits of meditating are many. It’s incredibly popular right now but has been around for thousands of years. Experts often claim that even just one minute of meditation per hour is enough to gain benefits. 

I use apps to meditate for at least 10 minutes every morning before I start my day. I find that I am more focused and relaxed throughout the day when I do.

2. Control your breath. Your breath is one of the few parts of your physiology you can control. Slower, deeper, breaths will help you to relax. Focus on the feeling of your breath passing through your mouth or nostrils. Count your breaths if you find that helps.

how to relax - meditation every day helps you relax and eliminate stress

Visualization can help you relax

3. Visualize a peaceful scene. Our moods follow our thoughts. Think about something pleasant, and you can expect to experience a more enjoyable mood. Visualization is a great way to relax as well as help you with goal setting and manifesting.

4. Spend time with your pet. Pets are a blessing. They require little and ask for even less. They’re always happy to see you. Cuddle up with your pet and notice how much better you feel. Your pet will love the extra attention, too. Don’t have a pet? Borrow a friend’s pet.

5. Talk to a friend. Call up a friend, or even better, have a face to face. A few minutes spent chatting with a trusted confidant can do wonders for your stress levels. You’ll also be maintaining your relationships. A quick coffee date to catch up or a call to share some laughs can help more than you may think.

6. Take a short walk. A long walk is even better, but if you only have 10 minutes, a short walk can help a lot if you’re feeling stressed. Pay close attention to your surroundings while you walk. It will keep your mind off your challenges for a few minutes.

how to relax - taking a walk, spending time with pets

Music can soothe the soul…

7. Listen to music. Music has an amazing ability to alter one’s mood. Think of a few songs that will put you in a mood you’d rather feel. Listen away! If you don’t happen to have those songs available at the moment, YouTube has just about every song available for free.

8. Chew gum. Sounds crazy I know! Chewing gum has been shown to be an effective reducer of cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Many people like to blow bubbles, too. You can lower your stress and amuse yourself at the same time.

9. Sit outside in the sun. Relax for a few minutes on a nice day and enjoy the sun. The warmth on your body can be a great mood booster, and you’ll get a nice dose of vitamin D, too. Now that the weather is turning nicer I have gotten out my hammock and have been lying in it every day!

10. Write down everything that worries you. One way to be less stressed and anxious is to write down everything that’s bothering you. Get it out of your system and down on paper. By externalizing it, you’ll often find that things aren’t quite as bad as you thought.

I have a journal that I write in on a regular basis. It has helped me relax, work through my problems, vent when I am angry… it has been a  life saver some days!

If you’re regularly feeling stressed, it’s important to do something about it. Not only is it miserable to feel stressed all the time, but it’s terrible for your health.

If you want to relax, make time for it each day. Ten minutes can be enough to take the edge off your stress levels. Don’t allow 10 minutes to go to waste. Use them to relax!

Here are some other recent posts you may be interested in:

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*This post may contain affiliate links to products or services that I recommend. I do receive compensation for products ordered, however that does not reflect the price you pay for the items.

Health & Wellness

6 Easy Ways to Use More Healthy Green Vegetables in Your Cooking

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6 Easy Ways to Use More Healthy Green Vegetables in Your Cooking banner image

You know you should eat more green vegetables, but you may be tired of adding them to a salad each day. However, there are other options to use these healthy veggies while you cook or bake.

Consider these ways to include more green vegetables in your meals:

1. Vegetable pasta.

There are two different techniques to use vegetables in a pasta dish:

  • Cook regular pasta and simply add healthy vegetables to it. The most popular options include tomatoes, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, and kale. You can use raw veggies or steam them. Another option is to sauté them in healthy oils.
  • Make your pasta noodles out of vegetables. A spiralizer can help you make thin strips out of zucchini or eggplant. You can also use this technique to make noodles out of sweet potatoes or carrots. Another option if you don’t have a spiralizer is to cut thin slices or strips with a knife.

2. Soups, sauces, and dressings.

Soups, sauces, and dressings can be used to hide healthy vegetables. This is a useful method for picky eaters or children who refuse to eat whole or raw veggies. You’ll need a blender or mixer to puree the veggies to hide them in sauces.

  • Consider the types of vegetables you can puree: tomatoes, squash, carrots, onions, potatoes, turnips, parsnips, broccoli, cauliflower, and others.

3. Meatballs.

You can hide vegetables inside meatballs, too! This one is GREAT for my kids. I add them into the meatballs when I make spaghetti and they NEVER know. Whether you stick to a completely vegetarian recipe or use meat, you can add green, healthy vegetables to meatballs.

  • The key is to add them to the mix before cooking. You can puree the veggies, so they’re easier to mix. Once they’re cooked, it’s usually impossible to see or taste the veggies.

4. Vegetables as wraps and sandwich bases

If you’re trying to reduce carbohydrates or are simply tired of eating bread, you can switch to green vegetables as your base.

  • Use lettuce as a wrap for a different take on a burrito or taco.
  • Another option is to use a thick leaf of lettuce or kale instead of bread for a sandwich. You can stack your tomatoes, cheese, meat, and other items on top. Many restaurants will offer this as an option too if you are eating out – just ask your server.

5. Casseroles

Most casseroles tend to be bland concoctions of leftover rice, noodles, tuna, or other bits that haven’t been eaten. If your family dreads the leftovers you put in a casserole, add more green vegetables to kick the flavor up a notch.

  • Adding vegetables will not only make your casseroles look more pleasing with a variety of colors, but also have more flavor. You can use an assortment of veggies to make the casseroles bolder. Don’t be afraid to experiment to see what works best for you and your family!

6. Smoothies

If you hate the taste of green vegetables, smoothies also give you the option of hiding them amid other flavors. Mix veggies with fruits in your smoothies for a variety of tastes. This is by FAR my favorite option because I only taste the sweetness of the fruit and none of the veggies.

  • Kale, lettuce, spinach, and other green veggies go well with bananas, strawberries, blueberries, and apples. The mixed results will be hard to distinguish, but the taste will be worth it. You can also add a little yogurt or nuts for protein or even a scoop of protein powder if you like.

 

Green vegetables have multiple health advantages ranging from fiber to vitamins. If you’re struggling to eat salads, consider using vegetables in new ways. Your health and taste buds will both benefit!

Here are some other posts you may find interesting:

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Making Money

10 Sources of Income That You Can Earn From Home

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Do you have some extra time to kill and need another source of income?

There are several ways to generate a secondary source of income without leaving the comfort of your own home. It’s surprising how many home employment opportunities exist. Anyone with a few hours to spare can earn extra money.

Check out these ways to stay at home and earn money in your free time:

  • Freelancing. With the capabilities of the internet and associated technologies, working from home is a snap. Whether your talent is writing, graphics, building websites, or voiceover work, there’s no end to the amount of work available for a freelancer giving you the ability to add as little or as much additional income you want.
    • No matter what your skills might be, there’s someone out there looking for you. There are many online freelance sites that you can look into where people post jobs that they need done.

  • Telemarketing. Any place with a telephone is suitable for your telemarketing headquarters. It’s a job that few enjoy, so there are usually employers looking for callers. If you have a pleasant voice and can deal with rejection, telemarketing can be an easy and flexible way to earn some money.
    • This may not be the best income option for you if you still have little ones at home as you are likely to have a lot of background noise. Most telemarketing jobs will require a quiet environment to make calls from.

  • Grow and sell vegetables. Okay, you might have to leave home to do this. On the other hand, you might be able to convince someone else to sell them for you at the local farmer’s market. Or you can pay them a portion of the income made from your sales.

    So if you have a green thumb and have room for a garden this may be a great option for you. Seeds are very inexpensive. Mother Nature will take care of the rest, minus weeding.

Are you a crafty person?

  • Make scrapbooks. Not everyone has the skill or time to make a custom scrapbook. Create scrapbooks for those who are unable or unwilling to do it themselves.
    • A few supplies are all you need to get started. Begin with offering your scrap booking service to family, friends, and neighbors. You might be able to generate enough referrals to stay busy without additional advertising.
    • Many places with have local craft fairs as well. They are another great place to earn some extra income selling scrapbooks or even scrapbook kits.

  • Data Entry. Most jobs pay for each entry or per project rather than by the hour. It’s a great job if you have a few spare minutes here and there. It’s super flexible and can work around any schedule. With focus and fast fingers, you can generate a reasonable income.

  • Tutoring. Part-time tutors can make $30 or more per hour. You might have to brush up on your geometry or Latin, but tutoring can be a lucrative way to spend your free time. Some people also make extra money teaching English as a second language online as well.

  • Translate. Are you skilled in a second language? There are many opportunities to translate conversations and documents. While certifications are required to translate for large companies and government agencies, they’re totally unnecessary for translating a love letter or a conversation on Skype or blog post.

Using your home to earn extra income…

  • Rent out a room. If you have the space to spare, rent out a room. A good roommate can be a blessing and help you cover the bills. This one is not something that I personally feel comfortable with as a single mother with children in the home.
    • However, maybe renting out the basement to another single mother may be a great idea – it can lower both of your expenses and you are helping out another single mother.
      
  • Host a party. There are parties for Pampered Chef, Scentsy, and numerous other types of products – and you likely know a friend who has an MLM business. While these parties are typically held in the homes of others, you can host the parties yourself.
    • You could also allow your friends to use your home as a party location, and then keep a percentage of the profits.

  • Sell ad space on a personal blog. Create a blog and then sell ads on your website. You can sell the ad space directly or sign up with Google Adsense. With Google, they’ll post relevant ads for you, and you’ll receive money whenever someone clicks on the ad.

Whether you’re in financial pain or just need an activity to fill your spare time, a secondary or part-time source of income could be the solution.

If you have seriously thought about starting your own business working from home I would also recommend downloading “The 7 Things to Consider Before Starting a Home Based Business”

Other posts that may interest you:

Family MattersParenting ProblemsPodcastSelf Care

Stop Feeling Like Your Emotions Are Not Valid!

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Single Mom Podcast - Moms are Still People. We have emotions and feelings too!

I was recently told that I was emotionally abusing my child.

No seriously. I was told that I was emotionally abusing my child. Now as ludicrous as that statement was considering the source that it came from, I decided that I should examine why they would make such an accusation.

It is no secret to those who know me that I have been struggling recently with my daughter who is diving head first into tween-hood. We have been dealing with attitude issues, problems at school, issues with grades, MOODINESS etc. Which can be pretty typical of a child at this age apparently.

For the majority of my daughter’s life she has spent her time at my house, I have been the primary parent. She and I have had an amazing mother daughter relationship. We talked about everything, shared everything and promised to always be honest with each other. She was even a guest on my podcast!

Everything changes…

However, recently we moved to a week on week off split with her father. The change in our schedule, the attitude, and moodiness have been difficult for me to process. It just happened overnight *poof* no more little girl – moody tween instead!

Even though I know I shouldn’t, I have taken many things that have happened between she and I very personally. I have felt like her wanting to spend more time at her dad’s house was a reflection of me. Like she didn’t like being with me anymore. I felt like I was losing my little girl.

Where I made my mistake was posting about how I felt on my Instagram account. Which my daughter saw, and it hurt her feelings. Which was never my intent. I would never try to deliberately hurt my daughter. But I did. And maybe subconsciously I did want her to feel bad, like I did.

So I deleted my Instagram account. I never want to lash out at my daughter because I am hurting, even if it is unintentional or subconsciously.

This is the reason that someone thinks that I am ’emotionally abusing’ my daughter? Because I vented on my social media platform. Me expressing my emotions and how I was hurting ended up hurting my daughter. It isn’t abuse though, simply a mistake made during an emotional time.

But that got me to thinking…

Why aren’t moms allowed to have feelings?

I am a very emotional person but for many many years I kept all of my feelings to myself. Always bottling up how I felt just to keep the peace. As a kid I did it to make sure I didn’t upset my step-mom. Then as an adult to try not to upset whomever I was seeing at the time. (Which led to me being treated like crap on a regular basis and just taking it).

Continuing on as a parent, I did it to appear strong and independent. Putting up a front so my kids didn’t know how sad, upset or worried I was. Shutting my emotions up in a little box and pushing them deep down. I didn’t have the time or ability or support to deal with those pesky feelings.

Woman crying on windowsill - Emotions

Plus, whenever I DID express my feelings I was often labeled as ’emotional’ or ‘unstable’ or I was ‘losing it’. I have had people tell me that I was overreacting or that I need to ‘grow up’. All because I FINALLY stood up for myself or expressed how I was feeling.

Why is it that as moms we aren’t supposed to be people anymore? Are we all the sudden supposed to not have feelings? Is it not possible that our kids can hurt us to our core? Or that our husbands, boyfriends, family or friends can make us feel like crap?

Just shake it off…

When they do, are we just supposed to shake it off? Act like it doesn’t matter, that everything is all okay even though we are hurting inside?

Just because we are moms doesn’t mean that we stop feeling the same feelings we used to before we had kids. We are still human. We still make mistakes. I mean, we try really hard not to but we do sometimes.

I spent years keeping my feelings and emotions to myself – always putting up a front. It lead me to a near emotional breakdown and some significant depression. It isn’t healthy to always put others happiness in front of your own. Moms are still people and we have to treat ourselves better.

I decided a while ago that I would no longer keep my feelings and emotions bottled up. When I am hurt, people know I am hurt. When I am angry, people know I am angry. I will always talk about how I feel and why I feel that way – especially with my daughter. Because I truly feel that is the only way to bring about change.

Always Speak Your Truth!

Always speak your truth – that is what I tell her. It is important to your own mental health to do so. It may not always be fun, it may be very very hard – and you may hurt someones feelings or upset them. I know that things I have said and done have upset my daughter. It has never been done out of spite or malice – not intentionally.

I also know that many things my daughter has said and done have unintentionally hurt me. However, I would rather know how she feels and process through the emotions than have her miserable inside trying to keep me happy.

It is also important to me that she know how I feel as well. The way I communicate and how I express that is what I need to work on. Making mistakes is human and this is all a part of the learning process for me. (Especially now that I have a tween!)

I am living my life trying to be emotionally authentic and I hope she is able to do the same.

I don’t believe that is abuse, not in the slightest.

Health & WellnessPodcast

Keto Diet – Did It Work For Me?

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healthy fit woman

GIRL! I lost 35 pounds on the Keto Diet!

Before I dive into the Keto diet and how it helped me lose weight, let’s do a little recap. I created a blog post a while back with an update on my weight loss struggle. In fact it is something I have blogged about a few times…

The Single Mom Blog - Quitting Smoking

I quit smoking 8 years ago, and after I did I gained a lot of weight. What started out as 10 additional pounds grew into 50. I have been trying for YEARS to find the motivation & commitment to lose all those extra pounds.

I have tried various diets, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, and other fad diets I found online. I joined a couple different gyms – and barely went. I tried working out with Beach Body videos at home.

I gained it all right back!

None of it worked as a permanent solution for me, I would inevitably gain any weight I lost right back. Most of the diets I couldn’t stick to for more than a couple weeks. Either the food was awful or I got bored with my choices of what I could eat.

Finally I said, ‘Screw it – I’m not gonna worry about my weight anymore. Eat what you want and just be happy!’

Then I went for my annual physical and weighed in at 221 pounds!

That was a HUGE wake up call for me. I hadn’t weighed that much since I was pregnant with my TWINS! No wonder my knees were hurting more and I was always so damn tired!

Time to go back on a diet and get my behind in shape again. (The rest of me too!) But which awful diet did I want to subject myself to this time? I was already dreading the idea.

Then a friend of mine started posting about how much weight she had lost on the Keto diet. I had heard about it here and there but never really looked into it. So I asked her to send me some information on it and I read through it right away…

It sounded AWFUL!

A diet with little to no carbs and ZERO sugar?!?! Are you kidding me? I can’t do that! Thinking to myself, there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to stick to this Keto diet. I simply don’t have the will power.

My friend talked to me more about it and after a few days I decided to try it. It turns out that it was the BEST decision I could have made. It was difficult at first BUT I was determined to try and see this diet through.

I started losing weight almost immediately!

Now, I know that this was mostly water weight but STILL it was so exciting to see the pounds just drop off. And amazingly, I wasn’t having a hard time sticking to the Keto low carb no sugar thing.

I mean any diet where I can still eat hot wings and ranch AND lose weight! I’m sold! And so far I have lost 35 pounds and gone down 2 pant sizes! I am wearing jeans I haven’t been able to fit into since my daughter was born.

Want to learn more about the Keto diet? Here are some articles with more information…

And for some Keto recipe ideas and menus you can follow my Pinterest page! Below are also some Keto cookbooks that I really have enjoyed.

***As with any diet, make sure you check with your doctor FIRST to ensure that it will be ok for your health. Not all diets are right for all people.

** This post contains affiliate links to products. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links.

Health & WellnessPodcastSelf Care

10 Easy Ways to Treat Yourself This Mother’s Day!

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The Single Mom Podcast - Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is upon us!

Yes, that’s right ladies the one day a year where it is all about us! The day when we get pampered and waited on hand and foot.

Yeah, that probably won’t happen. For most of us single moms, Mother’s Day is just like every other day. You will likely get some lovely home made gifts from your little ones. Those cute little poems with the hand prints on them. Or maybe even a clay sculpture of some kind.

You may even have kids old enough to bring you breakfast in bed. (Be sure to listen to the podcast to hear about the “coffee” my daughter made me a few years ago.)

The Single Mom Podcast - Mother's Day

However, other than those few things Mother’s Day isn’t that different for us single moms. There isn’t anyone else to take up the slack if we decide to take the day off. There isn’t anyone there to take over all of the things that we do so we can be pampered. 

We know that self-care is important but we don’t always make sure we take the time. This Mother’s Day I beg of you, please be sure to do something for yourself!

Take Care of Yourself This Mother’s Day!

In today’s Mother’s Day Podcast I talk about 10 free, inexpensive and simple ways for you to treat yourself this Mother’s Day…

  • A bubble bath, a good book and maybe a glass of wine
  • Take a nap – if you can
  • Go for a walk – soak up some sun and enjoy springtime
  • Plant some flowers
  • Have an at home spa day – make your own sugar scrubs!
  • Release your artistic side – paint, draw, color…
  • Have a dance party with the kids
  • Go to the park
  • Take a bike ride
  • Give yourself a make over

I know, I know these seem simplistic – but I go into more detail in the podcast.

Look, we all know that as single moms we don’t always have the budget to do anything BIG for Mother’s Day. And if our kids our little, they will do their best but they are broke too!

So finding little ways to feed your soul, improve your mood, brighten up your home or yard… those little things can go a long way sometimes. Lifting our spirits and making us feel good.

And that is really what is important for Mother’s Day. Not the gifts we get but the feeling the day gives us.

Co-ParentingFamily MattersParenting ProblemsPodcast

Parenting Agreements – Do You Need One?

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Parenting Agreements - Do you really need one?

Parenting agreements, you may already have one but if you don’t it is something that you should definitely look into having. If you aren’t familiar with what a parenting agreement is, it is basically a legal document that outlines terms for parenting with your ex.

Parenting agreements are very important because it sets out guidelines and expectations for both parents. They cover all types of things such as:

  • the visitation schedule
  • child support
  • educational expenses
  • medical expenses
  • how you will split or share holidays
  • transportation to and from visitation
  • physical changes such as haircuts, ear piercing etc
  • vacations and traveling out of state or country
  • extracurricular activities
  • and so much more

These guidelines help you lay out who has what responsibilities both physical and financial. They can help eliminate confusion or ambiguity when it comes to raising your child in separate households.

Important Things To Remember When Creating Your Parenting Agreement

  1. Don’t make it personal – it is about your child. It can be hard to keep your emotions out of things like this. Especially when dealing with your ex. However, it is crucial that you remember to put together a parenting agreement that is best for your child.
  2. Don’t use it as a way to punish your ex – your divorce or split may have been ugly. You may have been very hurt and want nothing more than to hurt him back. You can’t use your child as a weapon. Remember rule number 1 and do what is in your child’s best interest.
  3. Don’t assume you are the only one who can parent your child – this one can be hard for moms because we can be very protective (*cough* controlling) when it comes to our babies. Remember that we didn’t know what we were doing either until we did it. So you have to let go and believe that your ex can also do a good job parenting as well. It can be hard to see them as an equal in parenting, but they are.
  4. Consider the future – your child will grow up and their needs will change. Make sure you take into account things like school expenses, changes in the schedule when they are old enough, possibly college, etc. It is impossible to plan for everything, but try to think about more than just the short term issues.

There are many other things that you may need to consider in your parenting agreements. Everyone’s circumstances are different. This will at least give you a starting point.

Ideally you and your ex will come to an agreement on all areas of your parenting agreements. However, some people (like my ex) are resistant to the idea and make it more difficult than it needs to be. In those cases you may have to seek out a mediator or simply fight it out in court.

And if things are REALLY bad between you and your ex and you have one of those relationships where every detail is scrutinized. I highly recommend tracking everything in some way. You can use software like CustodyXChange which gives you the ability to create your plan, keep a detailed calendar, track expenses etc. Click here for their article on parenting agreements and to check out how their software works.

But if you have the option and the chance I highly recommend trying to work out a parenting agreement that both of you are comfortable with. It will make things go a lot smoother for you AND your child.

PodcastSelf Care

[Podcast] Are You Undervaluing Yourself?

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The Single Mom Blog, Single Mom Podcast - Are you undervaluing yourself? Do you allow people to treat you less than you deserve?

Don’t make the mistake of undervaluing yourself!

While on Twitter the other day, I made the ridiculous decision to reply to a tweet from Donald Trump. It was actually a valid question but I did pose it in a snarky fashion. – but it got the attention of some ‘conservative’ followers.

I then made an even sillier decision to engage with said follower. After a bit of back and forth, the final comment that was made to me was ‘No wonder you’re a single mom‘.

As though that is some kind of insult.

Now, this isn’t the first time that my status as a single mom has been hurled at me as though it is something that I should be ashamed of. So I am used to it. But I always find it funny. Because I am completely OK with the fact that I am single.

In fact I LOVE being single. That is why I have been single for the past almost 12 years. I don’t feel as though I am missing something being single.

Now, I know that isn’t the case for everyone. And there are many of you single moms out there who really do want to find love and happiness. Which is totally great for you – it just isn’t my cup of tea.

But it did get me thinking about how often single moms will undervalue themselves when looking for a partner. They will lower their standards, not just in the type of men they choose but in how they allow themselves to be treated.

Do you lower your standards?

Are you undervaluing yourself? The Single Mom Blog - Podcast

What I mean by that, is that because they want to find someone so badly they can sometimes cling on to the first person who shows them attention. Even if that person is a total loser.

Starting that type of relationship usually ends up in heartbreak. OR they end up being very unhealthy relationships.

I know that may not ALWAYS be the case, but more often than not it is.

So when I say don’t undervalue yourself I mean, don’t think that just because you are a single mom you have to take just any old guy that comes your way. Make sure that the person you choose to give your time to understands what a gift that is.

I don’t have the time for this…

We single moms have usually been through a lot. We don’t have the time or energy to give to everyone. So if a single mom has decided that you are worth the gift of that time and energy – you better know how important that is.

Make sure that YOU know your value and that the person you choose to bring into your life knows how amazing that is. If they don’t – then they aren’t the one. They need to go.

I know that comes off as a bit cocky, but let’s face it sisters – we don’t have the time for a bunch of BS. So don’t ever undervalue yourself again – get the treatment and love you deserve from someone who sees your value too!

Health & WellnessPodcastSelf Care

Self-Contentment – Being More Than Just Mom

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More Than Just Mom - Finding Self-Contentment

Self-contentment… remember what that feels like? Do you remember who you were before you had kids? Do you remember what you loved to do and the things that brought you joy? 

As a single mom I know that for many years I felt like there was nothing more to me than just being Mom. It was a feeling that is hard to nail down sometimes. The best way I can describe it is a sort of hollow feeling inside. Like there is a part of you that just isn’t there anymore.

All those things that I used to do, that brought me happiness, I simply stopped doing after my kids were born. Because I was a single mom with little to no help, it just seemed impossible.

There was no way I would have the time or energy to work on self-contentment. 

I had kids to feed, boo-boo’s to patch up, clothes to wash, events to drive to, homework to help with, doctor’s appointments… 

There was no TIME for anything more, and even if there was time – I was too damn tired to try and do it. ‘I’ll do that later. When the kids are older.’ 

But something happened, and it happened so slowly – in small increments, that I didn’t even realize it …

I lost myself. 

So many things that had to be done to care for my kids and give them full lives, that I forgot about my own life. Self-contentment, self-care – those became things of the past.

I became simply mom. Nothing more to me than that. And I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

I felt guilty if I tried to go and do something for myself. How could I possibly justify spending even a dollar on something special for ME when I should dedicate everything to them? What a horrible mother I must be for wanting some time away from my kids!

How could I possibly follow my dreams and still be a good mom? 

So everything was pushed aside and my dreams tossed aside so I could be the best mom I could be. Or so I thought…

A mom laying on her couch, tired, depressed, drinking wine. Self-contentment and self-care for single moms is SO important.

You see, after a while that hollowness – it starts to become all consuming. You start to feel lost somehow. Yeah, you are still doing everything you need to do in order to be super-mom. But it feels like a chore.

Like you have to force yourself to continue with the day to day. You still love your kids more than anything – but your life…you don’t really love that.

Which is NOT a good thing, because whether you realize it or not, your kids can feel that. You may try to hide it – but they instinctively know. 

Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to put ourselves last in order to be good moms. We don’t. We need to be right up there in the top two!

First the kids, then right along side them – US! 

We need to feel that we are just as important and our goals and dreams are also just as important. Now, I am not saying you should ditch your kids and run off to Paris to become and artist. BUT – if art is something that you love, then it should STILL be a part of your life.

Music, art, fashion, architecture, guitar, dance… if you love it, and it feeds your soul, it NEEDS to be a part of your life! Self-contentment is so much more important than you may realize. You need to feel like a whole person if you want to be the best mom you can be. 

Even if you can only take 30 minutes a day to feed your passion – at least that is something. Do the things that bring you joy (provided they are not bad habits). You will feel better and BE better. It will feel like a part of your self is returning, I promise!

And you will be a better mother for it.

Parenting ProblemsPodcast

Suddenly Single Mom – Learning to be the Primary Care Giver

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Suddenly a single mom, how one mom had to learn how to be the primary caregiver

For many couples with children it has been typical that the woman would be the primary care giver. Often times staying at home to care for the kids while her husband worked. 

However, over the years this dynamic has changed a bit. A 2013 Pew study revealed that 40% of women were the main breadwinners in their homes. It is likely that number has risen over the years. 

So what happens when a mother, who has always been the primary breadwinner, becomes a single mom? When you haven’t been the primary care giver for your child it can be quite a change. 

In this weeks podcast interview I talk with Rachel who has recently become a single mom. After separating from her husband, she found herself struggling with being the primary caregiver. 

Single Mom Podcast - When mom becomes both primary care giver AND primary breadwinner

Rachel had always been the breadwinner for her family while her husband took care of their baby. When they separated Rachel had to learn how to be both breadwinner AND caregiver. 

Not many of us can understand what it’s like to find ourselves in tears at the grocery store because we don’t know what foods our baby likes. Rachel’s husband had always taken care of the shopping. She would leave in the early morning and get home from work after her baby was already down for the evening.

Not only did she have to learn all about her baby’s habits and routines, she had to find a way to move past the guilt she felt because she didn’t know these things.

In the past several months Rachel has been able to get into the groove that many of us is simply the norm. It took her quite a bit of work but things are finally going great for her and her daughter. She is settling into the single mom life and I have no doubt she will be very successful.  

In The NewsPodcast

Stereotypes & Why Tucker Carlson Can Kiss My…

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Tucker Carlson can kiss my a**. Why his recent stereotyping made me so angry.

If you know me, or have listened to some of my podcasts, you know that one of the things I dislike more than most anything is stereotypes. 

I do not like it when people put other people into a certain box, or judge them based on preconceived notions. Assuming they know a person’s situation before actually getting to know them.

This happens all to often to single mothers. I personally have experienced the following stereotypes:

– a slut
– a whore
– a welfare queen or scammer
– just lookin’ for a daddy for her kids
– mooching off the system
– your kids must be in jail
– you were probably a drug addict

And there have likely been more over the years.

So it stands to reason that I would absolutely despise when people just put stereotypes of single moms out there in the world. Especially people with large platforms.

People like Tucker Carlson.

Recently on his show Tucker did a piece on ‘Men in Decline’. In this piece he talked about how women were less likely to marry men who made less money than they did. 

How they SHOULD want to marry them but they more than likely don’t. 

Now, setting aside the insult that women are all apparently money hungry gold diggers, only interested in what a man earns. (I mean god forbid we marry for something as stupid as love.) It was his next statement that REALLY got my attention.

“Over big populations this causes a drop in marriage, a spike in out-of-wedlock births and all the familiar disasters that inevitably follow. More drug and alcohol abuse, higher incarceration rates, fewer families formed in the next generation.”

A spike in out-of-wedlock births and the familiar disasters that inevitably follow.

That my friends is a dig as single mothers and yet another stereotype of the children raised by single mothers. And yes, I know that there have been studies about it, and yes I know that it can and does happen. 

I also know that there are thousands of children raised by single moms who defy that stereotype. No jail time, no drug habits, no alcoholism. 

The Single Mom Blog, Tucker Carlson and stereotypes of kids raised by single moms

I also know some kids who grew up wealthy in two parent homes who ended up REALLY messed up. In fact, one study found that children in suburban, upper-middle-class families were actually more likely to use drugs and struggle with emotional problems thank kids in inner cities with struggling families. 

Also, can someone please tell me why single MOMS are always stereotyped but single dads are treated like they’re freakin’ amazing special unicorns. Single dads are treated like they are heroes for raising their children on their own but we get treated like pariahs?

Oh a single dad learned how to do his daughter’s hair – let’s make him go viral! Meanwhile here I am french braiding my daughter’s hair while simultaneously holding my phone with my shoulder calling my son into school because he has a fever of 103. WHILE the sheets he threw up in last night are running through the washing machine. All before 7 AM.

SINGLE MOMS DO THIS STUFF ALL THE TIME!!!!

WE don’t go viral, WE don’t usually get accolades from – well, anyone. Why are single dads not stereotyped the same way single moms are? 

Does anyone go around telling single dads that their daughters will probably end up drug addicts? Or prostitutes? Or in jail? Are single dads called sluts? No?

So why is that special judgement saved for us single moms?

But the biggest reason these stereotypes bug me so much – 

Is because sometimes when we hear them so many times, we can start to buy into them. We start thinking that we MUST be what they say we are.

We start thinking we will ALWAYS have to struggle or be on government assistance. Maybe it is our lot in life because we are single moms.

That is why those stereotypes do so much damage. And they are bullshit!

Don’t buy into them. Don’t listen to them. The struggle may be hard but you will not always have to struggle. 

You can set and achieve goals. You can find a way to make an amazing life for yourself and your kids. So tell people like Tucker Carlson they can shove their stupid stereotypes – you and your kids will be just fine!

PS. I actually give kudos to single dads just as much as I do other single moms. Any parent doing it on their own deserves all the praise in the world. So please don’t think I was picking on single dads. They are awesome too.

Health & WellnessPodcast

2019: How Will You Ring In The Year?

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The Single Mom Blog, How you ring in the new year is important. Developing rituals and routines to bring about a great new year.

It is almost the end of 2018 and I don’t know about you but I am ready to kick last year to the curb and welcome in 2019!

Last year seemed to be the most BLAH year I have experienced thus far. Now, it may be due to the political BS that has been going on ALL YEAR LONG. It could be my struggles with depression. It could be any number of things.

Whatever the cause, I know that I am ready to close it out and bring in a bright new shiny year.

Celebrating 2019 The Single Mom Blog - how do you prepare for the new year?

I don’t know about you, but I personally have routines and rituals that I go through every New Year’s Eve. Not the party till I pass out kind of rituals but the kind that help me prepare myself for success in the coming year.

Now some of these may be a little too woo-woo for you, and that’s ok. BUT I highly recommend that you also close out your year in a way that helps you make 2019 an amazing year!

Here is my list of rituals and routines for closing out the year:

1. Set my goals for 2019.

I don’t make resolutions for myself. I actually hate the term “New Year’s Resolutions” because when I think of the term resolutions I automatically think about breaking them. 

Also, I feel that when we set resolutions for ourselves, the second we break them we just give up. ‘Crap, I broke my resolution to work out 5 days this week. Oh well, maybe next year.’

It’s like we set ourselves up to fail.

So instead I set goals for myself. I sit down and map out my great big audacious goals and the steps I would need to take to meet them. I also set smaller goals that can be broken down and easily managed. 

This helps me stick to a plan and if I don’t quite meet a goal I set, it doesn’t mean I didn’t make progress towards it!

2. Close out the previous year

I sit down and think about (and even write down) the things that really went well for me the past year. The successes and accomplishments. Things that made me happy and great experiences – no matter how small they may have seemed. 

This helps me really see how much GOOD happened over the year instead of only seeing the bad.

Then I write down the things that weren’t so great. Things that I wasn’t too happy about. Or things I want to change. Bad habits I would like to break or situations I should not have allowed. Negative self talk that I allowed to bring me down.

This helps me realize where I would like to improve and also helps me identify people and situations that are toxic for me. 

3. A burning ritual

This is where things start to get a little woo-woo, but stick with me it’s worth it I promise. 

After writing down the negative self talk and situations that I allowed in the previous year, I burn them. One by one in my fireplace. 

When I burn them I replace the negative statement with a positive one in my mind. I repeat it over and over, making sure that negative statement no longer rings true to me. 

I do the same with negative people or situations, writing them down on paper and burning the paper in the fire place. Making sure that they no longer hold space in my mind in the coming year. Releasing whatever negative hold or influence they had over me. 

Toxic people and situations have no place in my new year!

** Of course it MUST be said, be CAREFUL when doing this. Don’t set yourself or your home on fire. Don’t ACTUALLY burn things or people – that’s just creepy and wrong. Crazy that I actually have to put that disclaimer in BUT it is a crazy world we live in.

4. Smudging 

If you are unfamiliar with what smudging is, it is the practice of burning sage to help clear out low or negative vibrations or stuck energies. Yep, full on woo-woo at this point. 

BUT I have been doing this for years and I really feel a difference in my home and my energy once I am done. 

I light the end of my white sage bundle and I walk through each room waving the bundle so the smoke reaches each corner of the area. While I do this I set my intention of cleansing my home to prepare for an abundant and blessed new year. 

Click Image to buy a Smudging Kit

I do this through my whole home and when I am done I thank the universe for all my blessings.

It may sound strange to you BUT I highly recommend it if you have never tried it.

TIP: Be sure to be aware of where your smoke detectors are and avoid those when smudging. The noise totally throws off your groove.

Hopefully these rituals and routines will help you have a wonderful 2019. I know I plan on this coming year being my best ever!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019!!!

*Disclaimer: This post includes affiliate links to products. We only recommend products that we love and have or would use ourselves. If you purchase via any of these links you will not be charged any additional cost but we may receive a referral fee.

Family MattersHolidaysPodcastSeasonal

Don’t Make Yourself CRAZY This Christmas!

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Why you shouldn't try to live up to the perfect Christmas ideal

It’s CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!

 

I don’t know about you, but this is my favorite time of year! I love all the lights and decorations. I love the smell of cinnamon pine cones at the store!

I even LOVE the Christmas music playing on an endless loop. Yes, I am one of those people.

However, this is also the time of year where I tend to drive myself a little bit crazy and drive myself into the ground. I also used to deal with an overabundance of guilt because of my need to compare myself to other moms or families.

I am not fully sure why we as moms often feel that we need to absolutely kill ourselves to give our kids the BEST Christmas EVER! We will work ourselves to the bone, scrimp and save all year long, clean, bake and decorate until we are complete madwomen – just to feel like we are doing a good job.

At least I used to do this. Maybe you are a lot more zen than I was about the holidays but I for some reason was always trying to live up to some weird ideal I had set in my mind. Like I HAD to deliver a perfect Christmas for my kids in order to make up for something.

You know, the perfect Christmas, where the kids are happy with everything that I got them, I have scored major mom points and feel like I am the best mom ever!!! Maybe you feel this way too.

But I was recently reminded of a couple of things this weekend during a Saturday Night Live skit about the “Best Christmas Ever” that I want to share with you.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ Christmas. Not everything will go the way we want it to. Kids will almost always drive you crazy because they are riding a present/candy high that they will not come down from for hours.

2. You may get into it with family members and have a raging scream fest about Trump, the “War on Christmas” or whatever new political landmine may be out there lurking.

3. You may get into it with you KIDS! Because at hour 3 of that sugar/toy high the toy you thought was SO CUTE in the store has gotten on your LAST nerve and you are secretly wondering if you can fit it down the garbage disposal.

4. Dinner might get burned, toys may break, any number of things may not go the exact way you want them to.

5. With ALL of those possibilities and more your kids already think you are awesome and your family still loves you. You don’t have to live up to some ideal that YOU have made up in your head because NOBODY ELSE is expecting you to live up to it. (At least they shouldn’t be)

Honestly, if you are raising your kids right and they are good kids who aren’t expecting the world from you this holiday. They will be happy with whatever you get them. And yeah, they may be a bit disappointed if they didn’t get that ONE toy they were hoping for.

But guess what – they will live. Really, they will.

And YOU are not a bad mom because you couldn’t or wouldn’t get it for them. You don’t need to live up to some image you have in your head. You aren’t required to do the same things your sister is doing for her family. (Or try to out do her – you know who you are out there.)

You most definitely don’t need to live up to what “other moms” are doing for their kids.

Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone’s lives are different. And not everyone can do the same things for their families. Nor should they feel like they have to.

Christmas is about family, and love and giving – it isn’t a contest to win. So this holiday season, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to be something more than what you are… because what you are is enough. I promise you.

Health & WellnessPodcast

Be Thankful Every Day, Not Only on Thanksgiving

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Being thankful every day, not just on Thanksgiving

The holidays are here again!

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I keep seeing people posting on social media all the things that they are thankful for. And while I think that expressing gratitude is always a good thing; I always wonder why people only seem to do it around a specific holiday?

Why only think about what you are thankful for around Thanksgiving? Why not do it all year round, every day?

Today’s podcast talks about why remembering to be thankful every single day is so important.

Being Thankful Every Day is So Important

Now I know that for many of us single moms it can be hard sometimes to be thankful or show gratitude. When things seem so hard or stressful. When you aren’t sure how you are going to pay the bills this month or if you will have enough food.

When your ex decides to stop paying child support. Or maybe you are recently divorced and it seems hard to see how you could possibly be thankful for your world falling apart at the seams. These hard times can make it very hard to find things to be thankful for.

But it’s these times when it is more important than ever to work on being thankful. Because that is how we bring ourselves back to the light and the good times. By finding the good in the bad.

Creating a daily gratitude practice for yourself can be so helpful and will often get you through those hard times with a better outlook.

 

Here are a few ways to help yourself in your gratitude practice:

1. Appreciate everything: Even if it seems silly

There are days when I struggle to find things to be thankful for but then I remember I can be thankful for ANYTHING. Coffee makes the list more often than not. My fuzzy slippers when my feet are cold. My little girl still wanting to come in and cuddle with me sometimes even though she is almost 12 now.

All of these things are small, but I am so thankful for them

2. Be Thankful of Your Struggles and Hard Times

I know that one is hard! But all struggles are there for a reason. They help you learn something about yourself or someone else. They help you develop into the person you are meant to be.

If you are struggling with bills, still give thanks for those bills. There are many people in the world without the heat that you are complaining about paying for. The water that you are paying the bill for comes directly to your home – others have to walk for hours to get theirs.

Those bills allow you to have take for granted things that others would give anything to have.

3. Make your gratitude part of your daily routine

When you are brushing your teeth, or taking a shower. Think of at least 5 things you are thankful for. Incorporate it into your daily routine so it can become a habit for you.

Establishing a routine for your gratitude, remembering to be thankful every day can really improve your mood. It helps you see the world and your life from a perspective of thankfulness. Seeing everything as a blessing. And that should never be limited to a holiday season, it should be a daily occurrence.

Family MattersPodcast

Toxic Masculinity: How One Twitter Dad Made My Heart Happy

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Toxic Masculinity: One Dad Took to Twitter to Defend His Son

A few days ago I was scrolling through my Twitter feed trying, and failing, to ignore the political nonsense that has overtaken literally all social media platforms. I posted some pithy comments and re-tweeted some of the dumbest things that I came across. Realizing that by doing so I was totally contributing to the din, but apparently unable to stop myself.

 

 

When I came across a post by a father Twitter handle: @daddyfiles, that caught my attention and made me stop in my tracks. It was a post about his little boy being bullied at school for wearing nail polish. His son LOVES to wear nail polish and one day at school the kids made him feel bad for doing so.

“They called him names and told him to take it off. This lasted the entire day.”

They teased him and said he couldn’t wear nail polish because he was a boy. He came home in tears and told his dad he didn’t want to wear it anymore, even though he loved it.

 

This dad took to twitter and railed against the toxic masculinity that caused this little boy to question himself and want to stop being who he was. And this dad was PISSED! I read through his entire thread and all I could say was BRAVO!

 

Seriously, I gave that man a standing ovation in my damn living room. It made my heart so happy to see this father do what ALL parents should do – accept their children for how they are. Could it be a phase? Of course it could. Will he decide later to no longer wear nail polish? Of course he could.

But ultimately this little boy ended up knowing that his father supported and loved him no matter what!

Isn’t that what we as parents are supposed to do? Raise our children to know that no matter how they dress, what they look like, who they love, how they wear their hair – that we will love them. That we support them.

 

When his son came home in tears because kids at school were teasing him this dad took to Twitter to take on toxic masculinity.

We don’t have to always LIKE what they do or wear BUT they aren’t us and we aren’t them. Giving your child the ability to express themselves (as long as no one is being physically harmed) is so very important. I don’t want my child to grow up hating me because I couldn’t bring myself to approve of who they were at their core.

I would never want to lose a relationship with my child simply because I couldn’t accept their differences. It made my heart happy to see this dad just blast the toxic masculinity that caused his poor little boy to suffer at school.

Thank you @daddyfiles for all you did to support and love your son!

Making MoneyMompreneurPodcast

The Pros & Cons of Working From Home

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The Single Mom Podcast - The pros and cons of working from home

The Pros & Cons of Working From Home

The Single Mom Podcast - The pros and cons of working from home

As a single mom I struggled for years trying to support my family while working full time. I had to apply for government assistance to afford the child care I needed. I knew that the only way I was going to get out the struggle I was in was if I didn’t have to pay for child care. The only way I would be able to do that was working from home.

I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to do it but I dove right in. I made a lot of mistakes and stumbled along the way, but I was able to create a successful business for myself. I have been self employed for 10 years now. It has been the best thing I could have done for myself and my family.

Working from home has given me back control of my time and allowed me to be more present in my children’s lives.

 

Working from home has plenty of perks but it can also have some downsides as well. It isn’t always for everyone. In this weeks podcast I cover the pros and cons of working from home.

Parenting ProblemsPodcastSelf Care

Remember to Take Care Of Yourself! – Self-Care is IMPORTANT!

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Remember to take care of yourself. Self care is critical for single mothers!

Self-Care – we know it’s important right?

You hear it all the time, self-care – don’t forget to take care of yourself. As single moms we are more often than not running in 5 different directions, going a million miles an hour with our hair on fire! We take on so much every day just to keep our small humans alive and kicking. And on those days self-care is probably the very last thing on our minds!

But when we do this it can take its toll on us. Hell, who am I kidding, it kicks our asses most days. We spend so much time taking on all the things that need to be done that we often neglect to take care of ourselves.

We put ourselves last.

Remember to take care of yourself. Self care is critical for single mothers!

And by the time we finally have time to MAYBE do something for ourselves, it is really just one more thing that takes up our time and energy and we just don’t do it.

OR we feel guilty for doing it. For the simple act of taking a moment to care for ourselves, we feel bad because we could be doing any number of the other things that are on our to-do list.

And yes, I KNOW that you know how important self-care is. And yes, I KNOW that you have heard me talk about this before. But if you are anything like me, even knowing how important it is, it almost always ends up falling WAAAAAAAY to the bottom of your list of priorities.

We have to stop letting ourselves do that. Our well being is imperative to our children’s well being. If we are too stressed and too tired and too overwhelmed – it reflects in our parenting. No matter how hard we try to hide it.

We aren’t at the top of our games as moms when we allow ourselves to get to that point. We need to relax and recharge!

Take time to recharge.

Now I know that many of you are saying ‘I don’t have time!’ …. none of us have time! BUT we need to find a way to make time. Even something as simple as taking a bubble bath and reading for 30 min while your kids take a nap. OR giving yourself a pedicure after the kids go to sleep for the night.

Instead of doing that load of laundry, that will still be there when you are done (it’s not like it’s gonna self destruct if you wait an hour to put it in) – go for a walk to a park and just enjoy the out doors before you pick up your kids from school.

It doesn’t have to cost a ton of money, it doesn’t even have to take up much time – just find something that helps you recharge your batteries, feeds your soul/spirit and keeps you SANE!

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