Growing up and letting go… sounds a bit like an after school special title doesn't it?
Regardless of what it sounds like it is in fact what I am currently struggling with. It seems like it wasn't that long ago when my boys were just little kids and now I am coming face to face with the reality that my little boys aren't little anymore. They will be 16 this year, and to be quite honest I'm scared shitless about it.
I have openly admitted in the past that I am very protective of my children, probably more so than most mothers because of what happened to my son Gage. Having a child almost die is one of the worst experiences I have ever gone through. After that I have just dreaded even the possibility of something else happening to any of my children.
Even something as simple as climbing a tree, something that I did quite often as a child, became something that makes me instantly nervous now with my children. The thought of them possibly falling and getting hurt is something that I can’t stop thinking about. Things like jumping on trampolines or even riding their bikes there is always a thought in my head of the possibility of them being hurt.
I know, I know – I’m over protective, I already admitted to it. I’ve been getting better as my kids have gotten older. However, now I am dealing with the looming fact that my boys are about to turn 16. ARG!!!!! Twin 16 year old boys! If you find yourself instantly feeling sorry for me, you are not alone. Every time I mention that I have twin teenage boys everyone always gets ‘that look’ on their face and says “I’m sorry”.
As we get closer and closer to 16 my son Connor is now talking about possibly driving. We aren’t sure yet if he will be cleared to drive having a brain injury but we are starting to look into it. Now I’m faced with even MORE worry and stress and I have to wonder if my father went through the same thing when I started driving. Worrying about my safety, other drivers and any and every other thing that could possibly go wrong on the road. I’m sure every parent does.
I personally am dreading it not only because of the worry for their safety and such but because it means that they aren’t my little babies any more. *Sniff Sniff* It is so hard to believe that my little boys are almost legal driving age. It seems like it wasn’t that long ago when they were just little boys playing in the dirt out back with the dog. (Now I can barely get them out of their rooms and off their phones.)
Getting a driver’s license, staying home alone while I am out of town on business, looking into getting jobs and discussions on their futures – it’s enough to make a mom want to cry. Not just because my babies are getting older and I’m simply not ready but because I am so very proud of them. 15 years ago I was told my son Gage may never be able to walk or talk and now we are talking about what he is going to do for his future.Guess it’s time for mom to start working on being able to let go. My boys aren’t little boys anymore and coming to terms with that is definitely hard for me.