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Are you spreading shame and judgement instead of joy?

By Heather Wells Posted on December 9, 2015April 28, 2019 2 Comments 241 views

The holiday season is by far my favorite time of year. I absolutely love seeing all the lights and decorations and putting up the Christmas tree with the kids. This time of year just always gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, but for some it brings a lot of judgement.

Recently a mother came under fire over social media for providing TOO MUCH for her children.

Judgement of mom for too many presents

Emma Tapping, mother of three and savings blogger, posted an image on her Instagram account showing her Christmas tree almost engulfed in presents. Soon after the image was taken and used to create a meme stating: “It's nearly time for all the materialistic parents to compete and broadcast how many presents their kids have. Just remember, there are a lot of children who won't get much.”

This set off a social media frenzy of people criticizing and casting judgment upon this mother for her post.

People started telling her that she was spending too much on her children. That she shouldn't spoil her kids like that. That it was wrong for her to post how much she had bought for her family when there were families out there with nothing or very little to give.

Judgement on how many gifts she bought for Christmas
Mother judged for the number of gifts she gave
Mom judged on social media for gifts
Mother judged for how many presents she bought

It's astonishing how many people came out of the woodwork just to slam this mother and judge her for how many gifts she had purchased for her kids. We live in a society today where, thanks to social media, people can be random assholes to anyone else.

People who would probably be perfectly nice to your face can go online and judge, insult and even sometimes threaten others. Have we become a society of assholes or is it just easier to be one due to the anonymity of the internet?

Personally I have no issue with this mother or how much she bought her children. Would I buy that much for my kids, no – but we aren't talking about me. These are her children and it is her money to do with as she pleases – so why do so many people feel that they can jump all over her for it?

Social media judges mom for buying too many gifts

Not everyone were jerks about it though. Many people came to her defense online. Many who understood that not only was she allowed to do for her children as she pleased, but also that she was a savings blogger who knows how to get more bang for her buck!

Also, because she is a saver she was probably able to buy more gifts because of the money she had saved throughout the year!

I've done posts before about judging others and how as parents we sometimes face it from multiple different sources. Sometimes we are judged by what we do or don't do as parents. How we discipline or don't discipline our children. We get judged by our families, friends, other parents and now thanks to social media complete strangers!

This is the time of year when we are supposed to be a little bit kinder and nicer. I mean we should be those things all year round but at Christmas time even more so right?

So why lately do I see more people being rude, mean, flat out jerks to others? Who are you to cast your judgement upon me or anyone else? Is your life perfect? Are YOU perfect? No, because none of us are. And if this woman wants to buy her children a mountain of presents then who are you or anyone else to tell her she shouldn't?

Family on Christmas eve at fireplace.

Are there many children out there who have very little or nothing coming their way for Christmas? Of course there are. And sadly it will probably always be that way. However, should you just assume that because this woman bought so much for her kids that she isn't aware of that? Do you know if she donated all of their old items to those who were in need? Do you know if she used her smart shopping savvy to buy even more stuff and donated that to those in need?

No you don't. You don't know and therefore you shouldn't judge.

The best thing about the holidays for me is watching my children open whatever gifts they get. There were many years where we didn't have much, and there have also been years where we had an abundance of gifts. Either way as long as I teach my children to be grateful for all they have then it doesn't matter how much or how little they get.

And for all anyone knows this woman teaches her children the same thing. I mean if she blogs about saving money I'm sure she has to be imparting some of that wisdom onto her children.

So how about instead of sitting in judgement of people we do not know, instead we start embracing the spirit of the season and be a little kinder to one another. Stop judging and shaming people you don't even know and start spreading joy instead.

I'll start by wishing EVERYONE the Happiest of Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Merry Festivus for the Rest of Us!

XOXO
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Heather Wells
Heather is a single mother living in beautiful Colorado. She has 3 wonderful children; twin 20 year old young men and a 13 year old daughter. She has lived in Colorado for the better part of her life and is a stay at home work at home mother. She started her own business over 12 years ago and is happily, albeit precariously, balancing her work and personal lives. She spent over 8 years struggling financially and emotionally as a single parent before discovering how shifts in mindset and attitude can bring forth amazing changes in her life. Now her mission is to help other single moms stop the constant struggle and start creating success in their lives through the Single Mom Blog and Podcast.
Are you spreading shame and judgement instead of joy?

previously

The True Meaning of Christmas in A Starbucks Cup? [Podcast]
Are you spreading shame and judgement instead of joy?

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New Year – Not So New You?

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2 Comments
  • Diane
    April 5, 2016

    Feeling alone with my responsibilities for my son, work, and aging parents, I could only find blogs of married women and I just could not relate anymore. I have been divorced for 3 years and it has been the hardest 3 years of my life. I found your blog and I find it inspiring, comforting and enjoyable. I don’t feel so alone. Thank you

    Reply
    • Heather Wells
      April 5, 2016

      I’m so glad you have found it helpful! Keep your head up, times can get hard but it is all worth it!

      Reply
Welcome!

Welcome!

I'm Heather and I am a single mother to 3 amazing children. I started this blog to help other single moms like me find inspiration, support, ideas and hopefully a few laughs. I am glad that you are here - remember you are not alone!

signature

Instagram Followed by: 377 | Follow Me!

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

I tell my daughter all the time that we train people how to treat us. If we allow disrespect there are those who will continue to disrespect us because we have allowed it. ⁣
.⁣
.⁣
We need to BELIEVE that we are worth the best and we deserve good things. If we don\'t then others will see that and think they can follow suit.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
Know your worth mama!

7 1

I tell my daughter all...

You are not lazy, unmotivated or stuck. After years of survival mode, you are exhausted. There\'s a difference. .
.
YES!!! I have been feeling this to my core lately. After almost 20 years of being a single mom, raising a special needs son, dealing with ex\'s and their BS...I am exhausted. .
.
I have struggled through and lived in survival mode for so long now and there is only so long you can do that before it wears you down.
.
.
So mama, if your body is crying out for a break, if your soul is screaming for it...just know that it is totally ok to take that break. .
.
The dishes can wait for a bit, the laundry will be there later, the floors can be vacuumed next week, no it ISN\'T the endof the world if the kids have cereal for dinner. Give yourself some grace honey. You have more than earned it.
.
.
 #weekendvibes #momlife #singlemom #mommyblogger #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #singlemommylife #singlemomsrock #rest #parentingblogger #parentingishard #selfcare

25 3

You are not lazy, unmotivated...

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Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

I tell my daughter all the time that we train people how to treat us. If we allow disrespect there are those who will continue to disrespect us because we have allowed it. ⁣
.⁣
.⁣
We need to BELIEVE that we are worth the best and we deserve good things. If we don\'t then others will see that and think they can follow suit.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
Know your worth mama!

7 1

I tell my daughter all...

You are not lazy, unmotivated or stuck. After years of survival mode, you are exhausted. There\'s a difference. .
.
YES!!! I have been feeling this to my core lately. After almost 20 years of being a single mom, raising a special needs son, dealing with ex\'s and their BS...I am exhausted. .
.
I have struggled through and lived in survival mode for so long now and there is only so long you can do that before it wears you down.
.
.
So mama, if your body is crying out for a break, if your soul is screaming for it...just know that it is totally ok to take that break. .
.
The dishes can wait for a bit, the laundry will be there later, the floors can be vacuumed next week, no it ISN\'T the endof the world if the kids have cereal for dinner. Give yourself some grace honey. You have more than earned it.
.
.
 #weekendvibes #momlife #singlemom #mommyblogger #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #singlemommylife #singlemomsrock #rest #parentingblogger #parentingishard #selfcare

25 3

You are not lazy, unmotivated...

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