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Father’s Day Is Not The Same In Our House

By Heather Wells Posted on June 8, 2016 0 Comments 141 views
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Father's Day Is Not The Same In Our House

As a single mother one of the days that tend to be difficult is Father’s Day. For our household Father’s Day means different things to everyone. For my daughter, she gets to go off with her dad and spend the day with him while he has a barbeque or they all go out to dinner. She gives him the home made gift that she spent a week or two planning, changing her mind, then changing it back again before finally settling on an idea. She loves the idea of being able to give her father something special that she created herself. He’ll ooh and ahh over it appropriately (hopefully) and she will feel very happy and special inside knowing that her father loves her.

Father's Day - The Single Mom Blog - Me and Dad

For me Father’s Day is a day where I call my dad and let him know how much I love him and what he has meant to me over the years. My dad has always been the standard that I hold a father to. As a single father for many years he showed me what it meant to put your child first. To do whatever was needed to make sure they have what they need. He was the one who stood by me no matter what and made sure that I knew, always, that I was loved.

Now as a single mother, when Father's Day rolls around I am the one at the grill cooking up hamburgers and hot dogs (if we decide to cook out). But instead of my boys going off with their father, they tell me happy Father’s Day because for my boys Father’s Day is a whole lot different than it is for their sister.

For my boys, Father's Day is a reminder that their father isn't here

For my boys, Father’s Day is a reminder that their father isn’t here. It’s a reminder of the person who forever altered their lives. It’s a reminder of the person who hurt them and brings back full force WHY their father isn’t in their lives. Not that they need a reminder, we live with the repercussions of his actions every day. But Father’s Day sort of slaps them in the face with it.

15 years ago my son’s father shook him and almost killed him. In fact, he did die – for a minute – until he was resuscitated. At 5 months old my son’s life was forever changed by a man who should have been protecting him, instead he put him in the hospital. Every day we are faced with the challenges that my son’s injuries cause him. Every day we are reminded that he doesn’t have a “normal” life. His brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s. Every day we work through it and learn and grow.

Every day we are faced with the probability that he will remain a child forever.

Every. Day.

So when Father’s Day rolls around it’s almost like an open wound that we rip the band-aid off of again. My boys’ father isn’t here, – isn’t allowed to be here. Their father caused them a lot of pain. Their father hasn’t been in their lives since they were 6 months old yet still his actions are always in our minds.

The Single Mom Blog - Happiness father and son on the pier at sunny day under sunlight

Sometimes one of the boys will ask about him:

What was he like? – (Hard question that one. For a long time while they were little I danced around that answer, but now that they are older they know the truth.) He was an alcoholic and a drug addict baby. He didn’t work really and he just lived to have fun.

Why were you with him then? – Because mommy had horrible taste in men for quite a long time honey and I thought if I tried hard enough I could change him. (Like I said, they are old enough to know the truth)

What did he look like? – Look in the mirror baby, he looked a lot like you.

Why did he hurt me? – I can’t answer that because I honestly don’t know honey. I have never been able to understand it. I wish I could answer that and I wish I could take away that pain.

There have been other questions over the years, some I could answer but many I could not. I remember once when my son told one of his teachers that his father was dead. My heart broke even more for him. Feeling like he would rather say he was dead than tell people the truth.

“Baby, you can’t tell people he’s dead. You have a father, he’s out there – he just wasn’t a very good father and I’m sorry for that.”

The Single Mom Blog - Father's Day - Boys at The Garden of The Gods

It’s been devastating sometimes watching my boys process over the years all of the emotions that come along with what their father did. I’ve tried to be there for them, get them any help they need if they need it. I’ve tried to soften the blow for them to hopefully make it easier.

More than anything though I never wanted them to feel like they were missing out on anything because he wasn’t in their lives. I never wanted them to feel like it was bad that they didn’t have their father around. And when Father’s Day started to become a trigger for them I decided that we would change it up for them. Father’s Day became M.A.M.A.S. Day – Me And My Awesome Sons Day.

So when their sister heads off to go spend time with her father, we plan a day for just us. A day where we do whatever they would like to do (within reason and budget permitting of course). I want them to realize that it’s just another day and like any day it is whatever you make of it. So we decided to make it our own. Father’s Day took on a new and different meaning for us. It is no longer a day where my boys sit back and think about what they don’t have – instead we celebrate what we do have. Each other – and that is enough.

XOXO
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Heather Wells
Heather is a single mother living in beautiful Colorado. She has 3 wonderful children; twin 20 year old young men and a 13 year old daughter. She has lived in Colorado for the better part of her life and is a stay at home work at home mother. She started her own business over 12 years ago and is happily, albeit precariously, balancing her work and personal lives. She spent over 8 years struggling financially and emotionally as a single parent before discovering how shifts in mindset and attitude can bring forth amazing changes in her life. Now her mission is to help other single moms stop the constant struggle and start creating success in their lives through the Single Mom Blog and Podcast.
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Welcome!

Welcome!

I'm Heather and I am a single mother to 3 amazing children. I started this blog to help other single moms like me find inspiration, support, ideas and hopefully a few laughs. I am glad that you are here - remember you are not alone!

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Instagram Followed by: 380 | Follow Me!

There have been many people who have come in and out of my life. Some good, some AMAZING, some not so great and some who were life altering in not so great ways. ⁣
.⁣
All of them have played a part in my journey. Some helped me grow and learn more about myself. Some helped me realize what I did and didn\'t want out of life. Some simply brought a smile to my face and others made me cry. Some forever changed the lives of my family. Some I am still working to forgive. ⁣
.⁣
It seems crazy to be thankful to those who hurt you doesn\'t it? Being thankful to those who helped you is easy. But realizing that those who have hurt you also played a huge role in helping you become a better version of yourself. You may still be in the process of becoming that better version. ⁣
.⁣
We are all made up of a combination of our experiences. And as hard as they can be the trials that we go through help shape us even more than some of the good times do. I can\'t imagine what my life would be like had some of the people who hurt me not been a part of it. ⁣
. ⁣
I wouldn\'t have the life I do now and I love my life. I wouldn\'t have my beautiful daughter. I wouldn\'t have my amazing boys. Had the things and people I wanted back when I was 19 years old stayed in my life... these amazing people I helped create wouldn\'t be here. ⁣
.⁣
We all have pasts and things that we likely regret, poor decisions we made...but they all led us here. And our next decisions will lead us even farther. Maybe you aren\'t exactly where you want to be yet - but that\'s ok because you are getting there. And all the people you meet along the way are part of that journey and are meant to be there to help you in some way.⁣
#thankful #gratitude #positivity #lifelessons #thejourney #thesinglemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting  #singleparent #singlemomsrock #singlemommylife #selfreflection #parentingblogger #mommyblogger

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Do you ignore people\'s red flags? Are you a fixer? If someone shows you their true colors, don\'t try to repaint them. This statement really hits home for me. I realized years ago, after my last relationship, that I am a fixer. I think about people in terms of who they could be. Completely ignoring who they really are a lot of times. Looking past the red flags to only try to see the good things. I try to repaint them. Seeing the potential while ignoring the bad things about them.⁣
⁣
This weeks podcast episode is all about those red flags and NOT ignoring them!⁣
https://thesinglemomblog.com/red-flags/⁣
⁣
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Do you ignore people\'s red...

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

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Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

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Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

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Follow Me On Instagram! Followed by: 380 | Follow Me!

There have been many people who have come in and out of my life. Some good, some AMAZING, some not so great and some who were life altering in not so great ways. ⁣
.⁣
All of them have played a part in my journey. Some helped me grow and learn more about myself. Some helped me realize what I did and didn\'t want out of life. Some simply brought a smile to my face and others made me cry. Some forever changed the lives of my family. Some I am still working to forgive. ⁣
.⁣
It seems crazy to be thankful to those who hurt you doesn\'t it? Being thankful to those who helped you is easy. But realizing that those who have hurt you also played a huge role in helping you become a better version of yourself. You may still be in the process of becoming that better version. ⁣
.⁣
We are all made up of a combination of our experiences. And as hard as they can be the trials that we go through help shape us even more than some of the good times do. I can\'t imagine what my life would be like had some of the people who hurt me not been a part of it. ⁣
. ⁣
I wouldn\'t have the life I do now and I love my life. I wouldn\'t have my beautiful daughter. I wouldn\'t have my amazing boys. Had the things and people I wanted back when I was 19 years old stayed in my life... these amazing people I helped create wouldn\'t be here. ⁣
.⁣
We all have pasts and things that we likely regret, poor decisions we made...but they all led us here. And our next decisions will lead us even farther. Maybe you aren\'t exactly where you want to be yet - but that\'s ok because you are getting there. And all the people you meet along the way are part of that journey and are meant to be there to help you in some way.⁣
#thankful #gratitude #positivity #lifelessons #thejourney #thesinglemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting  #singleparent #singlemomsrock #singlemommylife #selfreflection #parentingblogger #mommyblogger

10

There have been many people...

Do you ignore people\'s red flags? Are you a fixer? If someone shows you their true colors, don\'t try to repaint them. This statement really hits home for me. I realized years ago, after my last relationship, that I am a fixer. I think about people in terms of who they could be. Completely ignoring who they really are a lot of times. Looking past the red flags to only try to see the good things. I try to repaint them. Seeing the potential while ignoring the bad things about them.⁣
⁣
This weeks podcast episode is all about those red flags and NOT ignoring them!⁣
https://thesinglemomblog.com/red-flags/⁣
⁣
⁣
#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting #thesinglemomblog  #singleparent #single #mommylife #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #momblogger #singleparent #inspirationalquotes #selflove #selfcare # #selfworth #momlifeisthebestlife #podcasting

11

Do you ignore people\'s red...

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

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