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The Single Mom Blog

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In The NewsPodcast

Racism & White Privilege

By Heather Wells Posted on June 4, 2020 0 Comments 814 views

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I have honestly been struggling to decide whether to write a post about the current events going on in this country. Mainly because I am not certain if anything I say could possibly be sufficient. I also worry that I may say the wrong thing. Racism is such a difficult subject and one that is so deeply personal for so many.

However, one of the quotes that has always stuck with me is one from Sir Edmund Burrows. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” So I must speak my truth and I know I must speak up because silence helps feed the hate.

After yet another unarmed black man was killed by a police officer – blatantly murdered for all the world to see – our country is in crisis. Though if we are being honest, it has been in crisis for a long time. The racism so deeply embedded into our culture has started to slither its way back out from under the rocks it hid under. Though, I know for many it wasn’t hidden. It was never hidden.

Artists honor George Floyd - The Single Mom Blog - Racism

I used to think that racism was going away. That it was getting better. It had to be right? I mean, we had to be progressing as a society right? I know that there are still groups out there like the KKK and white supremacists – but they aren't that pervasive. Right?

I knew that there were still instances of racism in the world – but I never thought that it was still this bad. I saw things as hidden or subtle – because for ME, as a white person, they were. They aren't hidden and they aren't subtle to the people of color who have to deal with it every day.

Taking a hard look at myself…

Part of my process has been to look hard at myself and back through my life. Have I done or said things that were possibly racist – sadly, if I am being honest – yes. When I was kid and stupid – I told jokes that I think back on now and cringe. I said things back then that I know NOW I would never say.

And in this process, I have had to figure out why or where I would have even got the idea that these things were ok.

In retrospect, I know that I have had people in my family who had racist beliefs. I remember my grandfather having a HUGE issue with my mother dating and later marrying a black man. Even though he was himself married to a Japanese woman. Hypocrite much?

Apparently it was only black people that weren't ok for him. (As time went by he ended up loving my step-father which gives me hope that everyone can change.)

In fact, my grandmother (by marriage on my father’s side and a very “religious” woman) also had an issue with that marriage. She called my dad – my mother’s EX-HUSBAND – to express her ‘concern’ about my mom’s pending nuptials. Mind you, my parents had been divorced for 13 years at this point. She was worried about how my mother marrying a black man would affect me – and ‘what was he going to do about it’. To which my father responded, “Not a damn thing. She is happy and I am happy for her.” Then he hung up on her.

Clearly, I had some people in my life who influenced me without me really understanding that was how they felt. But I never thought it was blatant racism, I called it ignorance. I honestly thought that they were just old fashioned and only old people thought that way. That is just how THEY grew up – that is how I excused it.

Interracial wedding hands - The Single Mom Blog - Racism

Racism & hatred are taught – but so is love & acceptance…

Thankfully, I also had loving and accepting people in my life who helped guide me more that the others did. As I grew up and matured, I began to recognize how bigoted some members of my family really were. I believe that they helped me become a better person. Still I know that there is always more for me to do.

I also fully understand that I approach everything going on right now from a place of privilege that being white has afforded me. So, I can only try my best to understand and support those I know and love who are black and hurting right now. I can only try to take a good look at myself and recognize if and where I need to change and do better. To also be a voice among the many who need to stand up and say NO MORE.

My White Privilege…

I know that I will never be able to fully understand. I will not ever really know what it is like to be viewed as ‘less than’ by someone else simply because of my skin color. I won’t ever know what it is like to feel like I have to change my natural hair simply to ‘conform to company standards’. Never have I been asked to wear ‘less ethnic clothing or earrings’. I will not ever experience feeling that who I am naturally, in my own skin, simply is not accepted.

I will likely never be targeted or singled out because I look ‘suspicious’ in a fancy department store. Nor will I get pulled over because the officer thinks my car is too nice for me to be driving. Or get the police called on me for sitting in a Starbucks waiting for a friend. I will never fear for my life when an officer walks up to me.

I will never experience racism and the kind of hatred that so many black people do. I know that.

Black Lives Matter Sign - The Single Mom Blog - Racism

Black Lives Matter

I don’t like that this is how some people have to experience life. I can’t imagine it. But they do. Every day this is their reality and it is wrong.

I cannot imagine the deep level of pain that the black community must carry around. I know that right now that pain is manifesting in protests across the nation. I know that there are many people protesting peacefully but I also know that there is a powder keg out there. Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, rage … all rolled up and just waiting to explode. And in some cases, it has.

I am not here to defend looters or destruction of property. As a business owner I know how hard this is going to be on many of those small businesses. I know that many of them may not recover. I don’t believe that any of these protests should end in violence. But this is a volatile situation – and people are fed up. And they have a right to be. So, while I don’t condone or defend the rioting – I can understand why it is happening.

Change must happen, racism can not be allowed to endure – our country can’t stay fractured like this and survive. Too often I hear people say “All lives matter” when they hear someone say black lives matter. And yes, I personally believe all lives do matter – but unfortunately not everyone feels that way. Not everyone is treated like THEIR life matters. And that is the problem. That is what needs to change.

And until that happens, we can’t really say that all lives matter – because to some, they don’t.

So, my pledge is to do whatever is needed for me to do. I will cast my vote to remove those in power who are fanning the flames of inequality and racism. I will use my voice to advocate for change. I will call out racism when I see it. I will not be silent unless my silence is what is needed. I will ask questions and I will learn. I will be open to change. I will help when and where I can.

I will listen.

[One of the MOST important ways to bring about change is to VOTE! If you are not registered to vote, do so now! Your voice matters so make sure it is heard! Click here to register!)

Here are some other recent posts you may be interested in:

Recent Posts

  • Making Bad Decisions Out of Desperation
  • Be The Hero Of Your Own Story
  • True Colors & Red Flags – Why It is Important Not To Ignore Them
  • How To Get Our Of Your Own Way
  • Can Your Life Change If You Change Your Thoughts?

*This post may contain affiliate links to products or services that I recommend. I do receive compensation for products ordered, however that does not reflect the price you pay for the items.

XOXO
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Heather Wells
Heather is a single mother living in beautiful Colorado. She has 3 wonderful children; twin 20 year old young men and a 13 year old daughter. She has lived in Colorado for the better part of her life and is a stay at home work at home mother. She started her own business over 12 years ago and is happily, albeit precariously, balancing her work and personal lives. She spent over 8 years struggling financially and emotionally as a single parent before discovering how shifts in mindset and attitude can bring forth amazing changes in her life. Now her mission is to help other single moms stop the constant struggle and start creating success in their lives through the Single Mom Blog and Podcast.
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Welcome!

Welcome!

I'm Heather and I am a single mother to 3 amazing children. I started this blog to help other single moms like me find inspiration, support, ideas and hopefully a few laughs. I am glad that you are here - remember you are not alone!

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Instagram Followed by: 380 | Follow Me!

There have been many people who have come in and out of my life. Some good, some AMAZING, some not so great and some who were life altering in not so great ways. ⁣
.⁣
All of them have played a part in my journey. Some helped me grow and learn more about myself. Some helped me realize what I did and didn\'t want out of life. Some simply brought a smile to my face and others made me cry. Some forever changed the lives of my family. Some I am still working to forgive. ⁣
.⁣
It seems crazy to be thankful to those who hurt you doesn\'t it? Being thankful to those who helped you is easy. But realizing that those who have hurt you also played a huge role in helping you become a better version of yourself. You may still be in the process of becoming that better version. ⁣
.⁣
We are all made up of a combination of our experiences. And as hard as they can be the trials that we go through help shape us even more than some of the good times do. I can\'t imagine what my life would be like had some of the people who hurt me not been a part of it. ⁣
. ⁣
I wouldn\'t have the life I do now and I love my life. I wouldn\'t have my beautiful daughter. I wouldn\'t have my amazing boys. Had the things and people I wanted back when I was 19 years old stayed in my life... these amazing people I helped create wouldn\'t be here. ⁣
.⁣
We all have pasts and things that we likely regret, poor decisions we made...but they all led us here. And our next decisions will lead us even farther. Maybe you aren\'t exactly where you want to be yet - but that\'s ok because you are getting there. And all the people you meet along the way are part of that journey and are meant to be there to help you in some way.⁣
#thankful #gratitude #positivity #lifelessons #thejourney #thesinglemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting  #singleparent #singlemomsrock #singlemommylife #selfreflection #parentingblogger #mommyblogger

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There have been many people...

Do you ignore people\'s red flags? Are you a fixer? If someone shows you their true colors, don\'t try to repaint them. This statement really hits home for me. I realized years ago, after my last relationship, that I am a fixer. I think about people in terms of who they could be. Completely ignoring who they really are a lot of times. Looking past the red flags to only try to see the good things. I try to repaint them. Seeing the potential while ignoring the bad things about them.⁣
⁣
This weeks podcast episode is all about those red flags and NOT ignoring them!⁣
https://thesinglemomblog.com/red-flags/⁣
⁣
⁣
#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting #thesinglemomblog  #singleparent #single #mommylife #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #momblogger #singleparent #inspirationalquotes #selflove #selfcare # #selfworth #momlifeisthebestlife #podcasting

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Do you ignore people\'s red...

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

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I am gutted. This woman...

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Follow Me On Instagram! Followed by: 380 | Follow Me!

There have been many people who have come in and out of my life. Some good, some AMAZING, some not so great and some who were life altering in not so great ways. ⁣
.⁣
All of them have played a part in my journey. Some helped me grow and learn more about myself. Some helped me realize what I did and didn\'t want out of life. Some simply brought a smile to my face and others made me cry. Some forever changed the lives of my family. Some I am still working to forgive. ⁣
.⁣
It seems crazy to be thankful to those who hurt you doesn\'t it? Being thankful to those who helped you is easy. But realizing that those who have hurt you also played a huge role in helping you become a better version of yourself. You may still be in the process of becoming that better version. ⁣
.⁣
We are all made up of a combination of our experiences. And as hard as they can be the trials that we go through help shape us even more than some of the good times do. I can\'t imagine what my life would be like had some of the people who hurt me not been a part of it. ⁣
. ⁣
I wouldn\'t have the life I do now and I love my life. I wouldn\'t have my beautiful daughter. I wouldn\'t have my amazing boys. Had the things and people I wanted back when I was 19 years old stayed in my life... these amazing people I helped create wouldn\'t be here. ⁣
.⁣
We all have pasts and things that we likely regret, poor decisions we made...but they all led us here. And our next decisions will lead us even farther. Maybe you aren\'t exactly where you want to be yet - but that\'s ok because you are getting there. And all the people you meet along the way are part of that journey and are meant to be there to help you in some way.⁣
#thankful #gratitude #positivity #lifelessons #thejourney #thesinglemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting  #singleparent #singlemomsrock #singlemommylife #selfreflection #parentingblogger #mommyblogger

10

There have been many people...

Do you ignore people\'s red flags? Are you a fixer? If someone shows you their true colors, don\'t try to repaint them. This statement really hits home for me. I realized years ago, after my last relationship, that I am a fixer. I think about people in terms of who they could be. Completely ignoring who they really are a lot of times. Looking past the red flags to only try to see the good things. I try to repaint them. Seeing the potential while ignoring the bad things about them.⁣
⁣
This weeks podcast episode is all about those red flags and NOT ignoring them!⁣
https://thesinglemomblog.com/red-flags/⁣
⁣
⁣
#podcast #podcasts #podcaster #thissinglemomrocks #singlemom #mom #parenting #thesinglemomblog  #singleparent #single #mommylife #thesinglemomblog #thesinglemompodcast #momblogger #singleparent #inspirationalquotes #selflove #selfcare # #selfworth #momlifeisthebestlife #podcasting

11

Do you ignore people\'s red...

Tap the link in my bio for more info -> @singlemomblogger⁣
Do you ever get in your own dang way? How often could we be the cause of some of our own problems? Yes, we all can have some crappy times but do we sometimes sabotage our goals? This podcast episode is all about self-sabotage and how to stop getting in your own way. Head over to the blog to check it out!

4 1

Tap the link in my...

Today I am wearing pearls. I wear them in honor of RBG and all the work she did for equality and women\'s rights. She was a champion for equality and I will forever be grateful to her.  I also wear them to honor my cousin. These were hers. She passed away from meningitis years ago. I haven\'t been able to bring myself to wear them before now because they made me sad. But today I do. I know if she were alive today she would be passionately voicing her opinion and just as passionately telling people to vote.  Our democracy is important and it requires our active participation. VOTE!
#vote2020 #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #thissinglemomrocks #democracy #yourvoicematters

10 1

Today I am wearing pearls....

Was not feeling well yesterday and missed posting this for #nationaldaughtersday . My beautiful girl who is just growing up too damn fast for my liking. 
.
.
No matter the struggles we go through, you are one of the most important people in my life and I love you so much.
.
.
You are growing into such a powerful young woman I don\'t think you even realize how strong and amazing you are. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. 
.
.
Your beautiful soul and giving heart is what makes you so stunning. I am so proud of who you are becoming. Keep seeking the beautiful and positive things in this world.

13 2

Was not feeling well yesterday...

I am gutted. This woman was such a bad ass. She was a pioneer for women everywhere. 
.
.
One of very few women to attend Harvard Law at that time, the first woman to be on Harvard and Columbia law review. Asked by the dean of Harvard \"why she was at Harvard taking what should be a man\'s place\" 😡
.
.
In 1970, she co-founded the Women\'s Rights Law Reporter, the first law journal in the U.S. to focus exclusively on women\'s rights. She was a champion for women\'s rights!
.
.
The Notorious RBG. This country mourns your loss. And now more than ever it is important that we #vote
.
.
.
#notoriousrbg #rbg #restinpeace #supremecourt #ruthbaderginsburg #idissent #vote #usemyvoice #iwillusemyvoice #thesinglemomblog #singlemom #singlemomblog #singlemom #womenempowerment #womensrights

10

I am gutted. This woman...

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